I used to think my life was over. There was nothing left for me. The world was empty. I still deal with that feeling, though it may not be as strong right now. It is like living in a cage. Existing in a dim light with no sense of self, no hope for the future. We live in a huge world. A world with endless … Continue reading Stay Curious

Life is easy when I’m rolling. I am satisfied. Confident. It feels like I belong. But sometimes the wheels stop turning. Life doesn’t feel so good anymore. I try not to let it bother me. I put a brave face on it. I keep going. Life is easier to live with a brave face. It helps me to stay solid. But behind the false front … Continue reading Behind a Brave Face

7.8 billion people live in this world. A small percentage of us live with bipolar disorder. That is a simple fact. A statistic. Non-negotiable. Some of us have to be the ones who live with this disorder. Non-negotiable. I am one of the ones who contributes to these statistics. One of the select few. I am not cursed. I am not doomed. I am part … Continue reading Why Not Me?

I enjoy the warmer weather. I am thrilled when the snow melts. But all is not well when winter lifts. Spring can get…complicated. New energy mixed with extra fatigue. Excitement and lethargy. A weird mixture of hypomanic and depressive symptoms and feelings. It is a breeding ground for strange thoughts. For suicidal thoughts. Have you ever stepped outside into a world of sunlight and warmth? … Continue reading My Spring is Different

“I’m sorry for what you’re dealing with.” “I’m so sorry that you had to go through that.” “I feel terrible for you.” “I’m sorry.” One of my teachers once said that feeling sorry for somebody doesn’t help them. I see a lot of truth in that. I’ve spent a lot of time in my life feeling sorry for other people. And I noticed that while … Continue reading Don’t Feel Sorry For Me

Living with a mental illness is hard. We fight, but we rarely give ourselves the credit we deserve. Oftentimes we are only able to see our weaknesses, and unable to recognize our strengths. Life is so much easier when we are aware of our strengths and the things we are doing well. If someone you know is struggling, it is very helpful if you keep … Continue reading Positive Reminders

Who inspires you? Some people that really inspire me are those who are also going through mental health struggles, and/or other life difficulties. Seeing the strength of other people shine is very encouraging. It helps me to get through tough times when I know others are doing the same thing. What has surprised you the most about life? The power of the mind has surprised … Continue reading Five Questions Part Two

We might feel guilty. We might be ashamed. We might be too scared to ask for help. We may not want any help at all. It can be very difficult for us to reach out. Remember those around you. They might be suffering in silence. Physically, mentally, spiritually, they could be in pain. Life hurts everybody, and it isn’t always easy to see. For whatever … Continue reading Reach In

There is another world out there. A world where good things go to die. Where light is sucked away, and you are left to wander. Alone. A world where everything is confusing. Where the line of reality and deceit becomes blurred. A world where pain is normal, and happiness is a stranger. Where you straddle the line between sickness and peace. And you would rather … Continue reading Beyond the Turmoil

When I was 16, I didn’t think that I would be here today. When I was 19, I knew I wouldn’t be here today. But here I am, nearly 22 years old. It is surprising, humbling, and somewhat regretful. And sometimes I wrestle with my own existence. Maybe it would be better should I have died. Maybe all of this has been for nothing. It … Continue reading Do I Want to be Here?

It makes zero evolutionary sense to inflict damage on one’s own self. We are not supposed to want to hurt ourselves. But some of us have found ourselves doing just that. Hurting ourselves. Like Me. Self harm is a very difficult thing to grasp unless one has dealt with self harm feelings and/or behaviour. Self harm feelings almost always come along with my severe episodes. … Continue reading Why Self-Harm?

I’ve always had anxiety. At least as far back as I remember. It was quite severe when I was a child, although I didn’t know it then. As with many other children, my anxiety took other forms. I remember often feeling very uncomfortable as a child. I felt that something was wrong with me. Something that I didn’t understand, something beyond explanation. So sometimes I … Continue reading Anxiety and Me