Trevor, Wake up. Eat breakfast. Take your meds. Read the notice on your med pack that says you need to call your doctor to get your prescription refilled. You feel lazy to make the call. Your first thought is that the only reason you take these meds is to protect the people around you. That was true, once. Grudgingly, you admit that these days you … Continue reading Resilience meets Patience

January 18, 2021. Read along as my cluttered brain attempts to sort itself out. I once met a woman in the psychiatric hospital who gave me a special gift. It was a stone. And not just any stone. This stone was supposed to be able to protect me from chaos. A short while later I accidentally dropped it on the floor. It shattered into pieces. … Continue reading Today’s Musings

Maybe in another life. We would be dancing. In another world. We could be flying. Speeding through the flames. Splashing in the waves. Chasing the neon sun. On a diet of blood, sweat, and tears. Combined with a general lack of restraint. I knew you once, for a short while. Then they put out our fire. With antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and antipsychotics. They took you … Continue reading Frenetic Yesterdays

The world seems bright today. I have recently emerged from a long depressive episode. Always a nice feeling. Learning to live with my illness has been a continuous journey. Some distance gained, and many setbacks and mistakes. Still today the main focus is doing what it takes to remain stable and keep myself safe. It does need to be said that I have made a … Continue reading Standing up to My Demons

There are millions of people around the world living with many different mental challenges. Today I am honoured to share the story of Dakota McLean. A friend of mine who lives with borderline personality disorder (BPD). About BPD (via Mayo Clinic) Borderline personality disorder is a mental health disorder that impacts the way you think and feel about yourself and others, causing problems functioning in … Continue reading Dakota’s Story- Borderline Personality Disorder

Who am I? I ask this question a lot. Maybe you ask the same. Years of dealing with a wide range of intense emotions and feelings have made this question complicated. All of my thoughts have given me a lot to sort through. Rational or otherwise. Who am I? I am all of it. I am peace and calm. I am fire and ice. I … Continue reading I am Fire and Ice

I have been thinking about writing this story for over a year now. For multiple reasons, it has proven very difficult to write about, let alone speak of. Most of what I write deals with the depressive side of my illness. It is what I experience most often. There is also less stigma attached to it then there is to the other extreme. Mania. Something … Continue reading An Unforgettable Winter

The reading and writing world is full of quotes. I found some quotes that fit well with some of the different stages I have experienced with my disorders. It turned out to be a very interesting activity. Depression: “And the worst thing about it was that you began to feel as if you had always lived on that ship, in that darkness, and to wonder … Continue reading My Illness in (a few) Quotes

Smudged and dirty. It is the window through which I watch. Through which I see. The man sits in a wooden chair. He looks familiar, but the dim light does not let me clearly see his features. Mom might think that he could use a haircut. Shadowy figures surround him. There isn’t much I can say to describe them. They are mysterious. And shadowy, did … Continue reading The Window

The path has been pretty muddy as of late. Energy has been hard to come by. A lot of sleeping, a lot of brain fog. Some of the time spent with a clear head has been very difficult. Sadness, loneliness, and anxiety have been hanging around a bit more often than I’d like. Depressive episodes have a way of making me feel like I’m losing … Continue reading Falling or Climbing?

I don’t claim to be wise. But I have learned a few things in life. I have learned of laughter. I have seen the sun disappear into the western sea of time, only to rise again. I have realized the powerful impact that a smile and a wave can have on someone who needs it. I know of hope. Beyond all of this I know … Continue reading My Forest of Joyless Dreams

Everyone loves the holiday season, right? Peace, love, joy, good company… what more could anyone ask for? Not everyone feels what I mentioned above. The holidays can actually be the most difficult time of the year for some people. I want to talk about a few of the factors that could go into this. Depressive episodes: The holidays can be a breeding ground for those … Continue reading Holiday Season Depression