After years of illness, it can be frustrating and exhausting to attempt to improve one’s mental health.

Here are some of the struggles I have encountered lately:

All or nothing thinking

All or nothing thinking makes personal growth incredibly challenging, maybe even impossible. All or nothing thinking results in me equating every little bump in the road as a failure. The word failure makes me want to quit, to give up. In order to beat this I must be able to focus on the big picture as well as the present. What might seem to be a failure often turns out to be a learning opportunity that will help me in the long run.

Difficulty shedding a negative mindset

I have spent a lot of time cultivating and perfecting a mindset that reflects the worst qualities of my mental illness. This mindset has become the base of operations for how I live my life. This makes it difficult to sustain positive progress as my mind still tries to bring me back to what I know. Back to what is familiar and comfortable. It is hard to avoid crashes after times of happiness, as my old mindset tries to stay in control of my life. I feel like a snake trying to shed a skin, albeit a longer and more painful process.

Who am I?

The quest for my self identity is a raging battle. Am I meant to be the sick and pitiful person that is forever ruled by the demons in his head? Or am I the person that strives to continue to grow and live a good life? It is difficult to rid myself of the notion I am the former, haunted and beyond saving. Growing is hard. Being happy is hard. But I must keep telling myself that it is worth it.