A Thursday evening in a mostly empty Tim Hortons.

Typing out words.

Just words on a page. Or a screen.

A slow summer on the blog.

Perhaps I haven’t been thinking enough about the value.

Of words on a page.

Maybe it is good to write. When I have nothing to write about.

Maybe it is worthwhile to write. When the inspiration isn’t there.

Even if my writing is rather trivial, and my stories only skim the surface of what’s inside. So bear with me if this all turns out to be a tad underwhelming, a little bland.

This summer I have enjoyed walking outside in the evenings. Because it always makes me feel sad. And lonely. It’s perfect in its own sort of way.

I like the rain because it is something that I can feel. A reminder of what it means to be alive. Plus it helps the lawn stay green.

I stay up late sometimes and sit out on the back deck. So I can take in the world when it is quieter, and the sun is gone. The sun is either glorious or blinding. It helps to invigorate me or else it might drive me to seek shelter in a dim room with a place to settle down, and maybe sleep for half the day.

Summer has been good this year. Far better than most. No major breakdowns, I kind of miss the summer breakdowns of years past. But there is still time for those. This time of relative peace has been great for my body to recover a little. A great opportunity to get some of my strength back. Mentally as well as physically.

This summer I have been hesitant to be at gatherings with a lot of people. Sometimes even afraid. I know how easily they can break my peace. One fun day or weekend usually leads to a breakdown once the fun is over. I don’t know why it happens that way. Maybe because after an exciting time is over, it seems like I will never experience it again. As if it was just a figment of my imagination. My illness jumps in and reminds me that my world is supposed to be one of pain, not happiness, joy or any of that disgusting stuff. That stuff was never meant for me. Over time I will get better at dealing with things like this.

But this is not something to be concerned about at the moment.

I am just sitting in this mostly empty Tim Hortons.

Clacking away on my keyboard.

Just words on a page.