I was writing a draft recently. I kept thinking of a way to capture the essence of resilience, and what it means to me. Then I started to wonder, what does resilience mean to others? Sure, google has definitions available, but I think that resilience can mean different things to different people. We all have different personalities, beliefs, and life experiences. So I posed the question to some contacts, and here are some of the thoughts I received:

“The ability to bend without breaking.”

“Maintaining equilibrium even after being thrown off balance.”

“Resilience is getting knocked down seven times and standing up eight. It’s finding yourself with each and every punch in the teeth you get, and shedding other people’s expectations of you.”

“Resilience is the essence of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” and the realization that after all you’ve been through, there’s nothing left to fear. That’s when you find freedom.”

“Consistent self compassion. Telling yourself and recognizing that you can handle different things.”

“Showing up for yourself by practicing what will help you heal, even when it’s really hard.”

 “Accepting your limits and treating yourself with understanding and kindness rather than shame.”

“Resilience comes from surrendering to what is, while at the same time, daring to hold onto hope.”

“The ability to withstand the rigours of life and bounce back as a stronger person from failures, setbacks and tragedy.”

“Resilience can be situational or environmentally driven, or simply a product of bad luck. Ultimately it is pushing through and overcoming a challenging, and sometimes scary situation. These moments or periods of resilience can lead us to the greatest opportunities. Times of darkness often lead to moments of greatness and uplift us.”

“The ability to overcome obstacles and accommodate change despite challenging circumstances. The purest example of resilience is shown through a young child learning the ever-changing world around them. The adult mind can also be resilient, often subconsciously assessing the mind and our thoughts themselves to depict what is and what is not.”

I was definitely able to gather a lot from the different perspectives on resilience. And I enjoyed reading the responses. If you have your own thoughts about resilience and would like to share, I would be glad to hear and share them.

I want to specifically focus one of the responses here:

“I want to believe resilience is the ability to take curveballs life throws at you. That sometimes it means just getting out of bed and brushing your teeth. It is accepting your new reality even if it’s only for that day. 

But if I am being completely honest, if I am never complimented on being resilient again, that is okay with me.

I am exhausted from being strong. I want support, I want softness, I want ease. Not be patted on the back for how well I handle my darkest moments.“

I feel this. I feel it to my very core.

Sometimes it disgusts me to hear that I’m strong, resilient, or any other related word. I want to fling those words away from me, and spit on them. What if being strong sucks? What if I’m done being strong? What if I don’t care about the fight anymore?

Sometimes we don’t want to be fighters. We just want peace. We want to lay down our arms and relax. We want peace and calm. We want to be happy.

But I would say this to others who are feeling this way: It takes someone who has been surviving a long, difficult battle to tire of being called strong. This feeling doesn’t come from a bad day, or an off week. This is the result of years spent fighting for life.

If you hate being resilient because it seems that is what your whole life consists of, then I admire you. And I think that you are among the greatest fighters of them all. And when you are in a time of peace, you will acknowledge the strength in the trail of blood, sweat and tears behind you.

And that will be the very essence of resilience.