Attrition- the action or process of gradually reducing the strength or effectiveness of someone or something through sustained attack or pressure.

A year ago I was in one of the most severe depressive episodes in recent history. It has been a struggle to maintain any positive momentum since then. I have been under siege from different aspects of my illness. I have been battered again, and again. My patience is thin, my defences weak.

This depressive episode was close to me until late spring. Sparing me a short period in February where I can truly say I was functioning well. I decided to try a new antidepressant in June, which went terribly. My bad reaction to the new medication contributed to the drastic deterioration of my mental health throughout the summer.

I sit here today, cracked at the seams. It has indeed been a year of attrition.

Broken as I may feel right now, I know that life has been very good to me. I have countless wonderful memories from the past year. There have been blessings with the very best and worst of days.

I continue to try and remain patient with life. I cannot force the timeline of how my illness develops over time. I do not have the magic powers to make new medications work, or make coping skills more effective.

I think that if I give each day an honest effort, then I am doing enough. I hope I am doing enough.