Trevor,

Wake up. Eat breakfast. Take your meds. Read the notice on your med pack that says you need to call your doctor to get your prescription refilled.

You feel lazy to make the call. Your first thought is that the only reason you take these meds is to protect the people around you. That was true, once. Grudgingly, you admit that these days you take them for yourself too. It hurts to admit it sometimes, but you are committed to keeping yourself healthy. So you will make the call, and get that prescription refilled.

Life being stable can be challenging and frustrating for you. Learning how to properly deal with negative thoughts and feelings is difficult. And painful. So painful. Gone are the days where you could dive into every negative thought and let it swallow you up. You no longer have the security blanket. That thought that you carry an override switch with you, for when things get too hard. Flip the switch, game over.

Now you have nowhere to go. You are firmly entrenched in the fight. No straddling the fence, taking solace in the fact that you can quit anytime you want. The furnace inside you gets hotter, the pressure builds. Silently, you get overwhelmed. Sometimes your coping skills kick in, other times you cannot reach them. If they aren’t available, you have no choice but to wait it out. You do your best to keep your negative coping mechanisms at bay, and feel the pain in your chest, your stomach, your mind. Eventually, it subsides.

Then the clouds open up. A somber rainfall that puts out the remaining flames. A familiar realization comes to mind. With some sadness you realize once more that you can never go back. Today’s challenges are here to stay. And so are you.

And just like the last time, you keep moving forward. Into the unknown. And you feel like you are doing the right thing.

You are still growing. Learning about patience and resilience. Remember to get that prescription filled, bud.