The path has been pretty muddy as of late. Energy has been hard to come by. A lot of sleeping, a lot of brain fog. Some of the time spent with a clear head has been very difficult. Sadness, loneliness, and anxiety have been hanging around a bit more often than I’d like.

Depressive episodes have a way of making me feel like I’m losing everything. Losing joy, light, strength, you name it. I find it a lot harder to believe in myself, or tolerate myself for that matter. Some encouragement from a friend gave me a bit of a spark. That spark started an idea that is now circulating around in my head.

As I said earlier, depressive episodes make me feel like everything is coming undone, like I’m falling. I am here now to challenge this narrative. Could it be that the opposite is happening? Have I been climbing?

I am a believer in growing through adversity. Learning from difficult times. There is no reason why these two principles should not apply to this depressive episode that I am in at the moment. I feel that I have not done a good job working through this recent difficult stretch. But I think that I have made it a lot more manageable with this idea that I am growing right now, not shrinking.

I have been feeling like maybe I should throw everything away. Feeling that it makes sense for me to sever the ties that keep me grounded. Losing hope in the things that give me purpose. These things make it difficult to communicate my thoughts, much less put them on the internet.

So again I come back to the thought that maybe I am actually climbing right now. So what better of a time to be open about the fact that I have been struggling. Is this not a great time for growth even through the pain?

I found myself reading back through the previous articles I have written. I realized that I could really benefit from taking some of my own advice. I was able to find some value in my words about hope and patience. As well as some inspiration to keep moving forward. No matter how slowly it seems to be going. The most rewarding climbs are often the hardest ones.

Self affirmation and validation has been hard to come by for me lately. I feel slightly selfish in asking this, but any and all encouragement is dearly appreciated at the moment.

Keep climbing.