A powerful realization hit me yesterday afternoon. I was crossing the street, something I have done thousands of times. But I noticed that I was missing something. A thought. For a long time I would think about getting hit by a vehicle whenever I used a crosswalk. I would go through the details of the accident, the speed of the car, the collision, and the end result. Sometimes I would end up thinking about my own funeral. That has been a common theme since my early teen years. Thinking about my own funeral.

As I crossed the street yesterday, I realized that at some point I was able to let that intrusive thought go. I no longer think about getting hit by vehicles when I cross the street. I just walk. That is all.

I have come across similar realizations recently. For a long time I was nervous while walking across bridges and overpasses. Almost as if I expected some sudden urge would inspire me to throw myself over the edge. Freefalling into the water, or into traffic. I would also imagine what would happen if these structures collapsed while I was making my way across.

So many things that surrounded me reminded me of the many ways that I could die. Knives, guns, ropes, you name it.

I titled this blog Holding on and Letting go. I have been able to let go of a lot of the intrusive thoughts mentioned above. I still have them sometimes, but they are like dust in the wind, not a tornado. Time has lessened the intensity of these thoughts and feelings. And I have learned that I do not have to take them all seriously. I have learned that I can brush them off, even laugh at them.

While I was out yesterday I was reminded of something of a different nature. That’s just it. Nature. Nature is always there, and can be accessed at any time. I thought of how important it is that I remember to spend time outdoors. That I hold onto the peace and calm that I gather from nature. It has become clear to me over time that nature heals.

There are many other things from the past worth holding onto. Having social connections may be the most important. I don’t mean belonging to a group that meets up twice a week or being a social butterfly. Not that these are negatives, but I want to stress the importance of having some sort of social connection, and it can take many forms. Maybe it is just a couple people that you can trust. Or a friend that you share a common interest with. Social connection doesn’t have to be glamorous, but it is incredibly important that we are not isolating ourselves from the world. We need each other whether we like it or not.

Hold onto the lighter moments in life. The times you felt happy? At peace? Or that time you laughed so hard that your sides ached? Hold onto those moments. Remember them.

Those are some of the things that I am letting go of, and some other things that are well worth holding onto.