The world turns. The people smile. Laugh. Cry.

But not me. I feel frozen in time. Feeling myself fall apart. My life on pause, I stare at the ground. And there I see myself, in pieces. Slowly they fall, landing softly at my feet. I am falling apart. And I see myself, in pieces. So many pieces.

I am thinking too much. Vividly recalling all my unsettling moments from days gone by. Finding new ways to criticize myself. Growing tired of blocking out the inner voices that tell me I don’t belong. On it goes until… nothing. I become too tired to think. Numbness sets in. The world loses it’s colour. I become nearly robotic. Programmed to complete all the menial tasks of living while I hide away inside.

I hold onto smiles and laughter. Hesitant to let them go. Wondering if once they are gone, will they ever come back?

I have been through this before. But it doesn’t seem to get much easier.

Will I lose myself this time?

What if I can’t be put back together again?

I stare at the pieces. So many pieces.

I pick one up from the ground and tuck it away in my pocket. It is a small step. But it is a start. Maybe I’ll pick up one more tomorrow.