“I’m sorry for what you’re dealing with.”

“I’m so sorry that you had to go through that.”

“I feel terrible for you.”

“I’m sorry.”

One of my teachers once said that feeling sorry for somebody doesn’t help them. I see a lot of truth in that. I’ve spent a lot of time in my life feeling sorry for other people. And I noticed that while it makes me feel bad, it doesn’t make anyone else feel better. Feeling sorry for yourself or others changes nothing. Sympathy might be natural, but that doesn’t make it very helpful.

If you are “feeling sorry for someone” then do something about it. Sympathy is effective if paired with action. I’m not very concerned about whether you’re feeling sorry for me. But if you say or write something encouraging or share some of your own feelings then I always greatly appreciate it.

Somebody feeling sorry for me does not change my past, present, or future. I am not asking for sympathy. My life can be difficult, but I love it the way that it is. Don’t feel sorry for me, instead offer support if you feel the need. I can grow with your support, not with your sympathy.

If you are feeling down because you are feeling bad for someone, then offer some support. Instead of making yourself feel worse, make an effort to help the both of you. It’s a win-win situation. Words and actions speak louder than thoughts and feelings.