It makes zero evolutionary sense to inflict damage on one’s own self. We are not supposed to want to hurt ourselves. But some of us have found ourselves doing just that. Hurting ourselves. Like Me.

Self harm is a very difficult thing to grasp unless one has dealt with self harm feelings and/or behaviour. Self harm feelings almost always come along with my severe episodes. It’s hard to explain why self harm is something that I might turn to. The most simple way to put it is that I want to feel pain. Pain is a real thing. Pain is something to focus on other than the hurricanes in my head.

Another reason why I have self harmed is to punish myself. Sometimes my illness screams at me that I need to be punished, to be hurt. Because I feel that I deserve to be in pain. Very meaningless mistakes can result in the urge to hurt myself.

Increased self harm thoughts are a red flag for me. A red flag because I know that is a dangerous head space for me to be in. This is a message that I am not in a good place mentally, and something must be done about it.

Self harm is one of the hardest things for me to talk about. But it is a real issue for a lot of people. I’ve realized that all symptoms or issues related to mental illness are valid. They also can all be treated.