When I was 16, I didn’t think that I would be here today. When I was 19, I knew I wouldn’t be here today. But here I am, nearly 22 years old. It is surprising, humbling, and somewhat regretful. And sometimes I wrestle with my own existence. Maybe it would be better should I have died. Maybe all of this has been for nothing. It … Continue reading Do I Want to be Here?

It makes zero evolutionary sense to inflict damage on one’s own self. We are not supposed to want to hurt ourselves. But some of us have found ourselves doing just that. Hurting ourselves. Like Me. Self harm is a very difficult thing to grasp unless one has dealt with self harm feelings and/or behaviour. Self harm feelings almost always come along with my severe episodes. … Continue reading Why Self-Harm?

I’ve always had anxiety. At least as far back as I remember. It was quite severe when I was a child, although I didn’t know it then. As with many other children, my anxiety took other forms. I remember often feeling very uncomfortable as a child. I felt that something was wrong with me. Something that I didn’t understand, something beyond explanation. So sometimes I … Continue reading Anxiety and Me

“The years teach much the days never know.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson I walked down to the river today. Between the ice sheets of winter, water was still flowing. I was feeling like the river today. My life flowing between sheets of melancholy and hurt. So I sat down beside the river, and became one with my thoughts. I asked silent questions to the river, pausing … Continue reading Looking for Reason

The Young Lady wasn’t happy anymore. She was sleeping too much, or not at all. She was tired, cold, and flunking out of college. She silently screamed at the world every night, but the world never answered. She was tired, so tired; and she knew that she couldn’t go on for much longer. Her world was almost empty, except for a few of her very … Continue reading In the Eye of the Storm