“The best way out is always through.”

-Robert Frost

Dear Bipolar Disorder. Manic depression. Mood disorder. Brain Pain. Mental Illness. Whichever term you prefer; I have some thoughts about you.

You never knocked before you entered my life. You didn’t let me prepare for you. You were near me as a little child, but I didn’t know you then. I grew older. You grew stronger. You worked in shadow, gaining a stronger foothold within me.

And then you blindsided me.

You have shattered my world. You have confused me. You have deceived me. You have altered my reality.

You made me believe in the dark. In the fear. You took away my security. You made my world a nightmare. Part of me still believes in the dark. In the fear. You have led me into haunted worlds. I still travel within them.

You have taken me to higher places. To unsettling places. You have planted unearthly thoughts and ideas into my head. You have taken away my rest. My calm.

You have taken me apart. But you have made me strong.

I know that you will be with me forever. I have accepted you into my life. I am learning to live with you. I am even learning to appreciate you. You have given me access to depths that many have never accessed. You have given me challenges and struggles which have helped me find myself. You have given me a platform from which I can use my voice. I can use my voice to let others know they are not alone. I can use my voice to raise awareness for mental health issues. I can use my voice to continue to learn more about myself.

So, thank you. Bipolar Disorder. Manic Depression. Mood Disorder. Brain Pain. Mental Illness. You are a part of me. And I will use you for a positive cause.

But take it easy on me, will you?

Trevor.