“So tired you want to quit, then you get more tired, and forget to quit.”

– Charles Bukowski, South of No North

Sometimes I feel useless. Like I’m not doing enough, or else not doing things well enough. The pressure of trying to be positive and productive can become heavy and burdensome. I can’t think clearly. It is much easier to sleep than it is to get work done. I have put a lot of energy and effort into recovery and getting back on my feet. It can be incredibly frustrating when it seems like my efforts are not being rewarded. I feel like I’m trying to get through a brick wall with teaspoon.

It helps to take a step back. It helps to remember. To realize how far I’ve come, how I’ve been blessed. It is not so important how my studies are going, or how many various tasks I’m completing. It is more important to know that things always improve if you stay the course. It is so easy to design the way I want things to progress, but it rarely happens the way I planned. I need to remember to trust. To trust that things will be okay in the end. If I am still fighting, I am winning.

Noting all the things I am doing well is very important when I am struggling. I must look at everyday tasks as victories. Waking up, eating, brewing some coffee. All small victories. All these prove that I am still living, and I can still function. Putting most of my focus on seemingly unimportant accomplishments can do wonders to my self-esteem. When long term goals can momentarily fade and be replaced by great satisfaction in the fact that I got groceries or went for a walk. Small victories relieve stress and pressure. Small victories instill hope and confidence. Life is really a string of small victories. Sometimes they need to be celebrated.

If you are still fighting, you are winning.