“The most critical time in any battle is not when I’m fatigued, it’s when I no longer care.”

― Craig D. Lounsbrough

I am tired.

I am unproductive.

I am forgetful.

I am numb.

I have been eating. I have been sleeping. I have even been having some fun. But when night comes, I am glad. Glad that I can give up on another day. Part of me wishes to sleep all day, every day. To leave my daily tasks behind. I am struggling with school; my routine is sloppy at best. I am low on energy, low on happiness.

I am not smiling at life right now. Sometimes I wonder why I’m doing this, when it seems so easy to leave this all behind. To go on one last faux crusade, going out in a blaze of glory. Beyond this immoral whisper lies reality. A reality in which I must keep plugging away.

I went for a walk today. Not because I wanted to, but I know I need to care for myself. I know how to cope. That surprises me, I thought I would never reach the day. But there have been times where I know that the slightly younger version of me would have went over the edge. Through life experience and professional help, I have assembled the means to protect myself. Coping isn’t always pretty. It’s not always out running, or talking with somebody. Sometimes coping is as simple as brushing your teeth or having a snack. Every little thing can have a positive impact. Simply breathing is a step forward. A step forward to a happier time. Right now is not a very happy time for me. But I’ll still be here when the tides turn.